Why to Sort a Student is a Horrible Job
by Ebenbild
Summary: The Sorting Hat needs a vacation after he was forced to sort a special student. AU Reincarnation-fic.


_**Disclaimer:**__ HP does not belong to me, just the idea I used on the characters… all recognizable things are Rowlings_

_**Information:**__ AU-Sorting, takes place in HP1. Reincarnation-fic!_

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**sSs**

**WHY TO SORT A STUDENT IS A HORRIBLE JOB**

**sSs**

Sometimes sorting at Hogwarts was easy. Sometimes it was difficult. And sometimes there was just no way to endure the things that followed a sorting…

"You know, Albus, I think I need a vacation" Albus Dumbledore turned and looked at the Sorting Hat, sitting on the shelf.

"A vacation? Why do you think so?" Albus asked astonished.

"I think I am getting too old to go on and on without a break" the Sorting Hat replied.

"When you are talking about the last sorting…" Albus Dumbledore began, but the Hat interrupted him.

"You have no idea what happened, Albus!" it cried. "It was not just me doing… you know! It was much, much, _much _worse!"

"But…"

"No! I take a vacation! The next seven years at least! Or make it eight – just to be sure!"

Albus looked at it bewildered.

"But why? What happened that you…?!"

"You know that I am not allowed to talk about anything I see in the heads of students" the Hat interrupted. "Just accept that I cannot go through it again! I endured it once for nearly a hundred years – I will not do it again. Once was one time too much!"

"I still do not understand…"

"And you don't have to" the Hat answered shuddering. "You will see it soon enough. Trouble is always following him like his shadow. I like a quiet life quite well, thank you!"

"But…"

The Sorting Hat just shook itself fiercely to indicate a 'no' while it remembered the Sorting from last evening…

sSsSsSs

"Well, what do we have here?" the Hat inquired while shifting through the life of the eleven year old boy beneath him.

It had just penetrated the most resent thoughts, starting from there while going backwards.

"Excited you are, excited to be here, lad, aren't you?" the Hat asked grinning. "And knowledgeable. You must have read ahead. That seems like a Ravenclaw-trait to me…"

It shifted through the next thoughts of the boy.

"You have read the books for your lessons – very well done. A well prepared mind is something Ravenclaw loved in her children. And then the Muggle things you know…" it started on some older memories, shifting through the years of Muggle school and library visits.

"Politics, laws, science… why by Merlin and Morgana did you decide to read a book about Christmas decoration?!"

"It sounded usable at that time" the boy beneath him answered unconcerned.

"Usable?! Christmas decoration?!"

"The colors are bright and it mostly looks ridiculous when you decorate too much, don't you think so, too?"

"And the ballet-book?"

The boy just shrugged.

The Sorting Hat snorted and decided to go on.

"And there's also some vast knowledge about magic in there…" it continued muttering while diving in the memories. "…but the next time you should choose some different books. Whatever you read – knowing the Dark Arts is nothing a young boy like you should do…"

The boy just shrugged unconcerned.

"Knowledge is knowledge" he said.

"Stubborn, too" the Hat sighted. "And you like to protect. You like to teach and to show your knowledge. You really sound like a Ravenclaw to me."

"But if I don't want to go to Ravenclaw, may I go to Hufflepuff or Gryffindor?"

"I am the one to choose, boy" the Hat said irritated.

"But I would like to go to Gryffindor or Hufflepuff this time."

"You do not have the traits for Hufflepuff. You might be loyal – but not to anyone but yourself."

"Then Gryffindor. You said yourself that I like to protect."

"But only when there is something to gain from it" the Hat answered. "That's not a Gryffindor-trait."

The boy pouted.

"No. No I think knowledge it is…"

"You said that the last time also. But I do not want to be in Ravenclaw again."

"Again?!" the Hat asked astonished.

"Yeah" the boy answered. "And there is definitely no way for me to gain access to Gryffindor or Hufflepuff?"

"No."

The answer was a sight.

"Well, then…" the boy said and suddenly the hat was swamped with knowledge it had not found before. It shrieked a word and fell on the ground. The hall stopped silence, everybody looking at the Hat in shock. They could not have heard what they thought they had…!

Behind the Hat at the teachers table you could see the open-mouthed Albus Dumbledore, frozen with his hands still looking as if he had wanted to start clapping. Next to him Professor Quirrell was choking on his salad.

Professor Flittwick squeaked one time and fell to the floor. Minerva McGonagall had let go of the scroll in her hands and Professor Snape had landed head-one in the porridge-bowl.

The Slytherins were staring as if they just had been hailed the ballet-dancers of the month.

"SLYTHERIN!" the Hat shrieked again astonished after it had fallen from the head of the youngster. "What were you thinking deceiving me, you cunning bastard?!"

The hall was still silent. Everybody looked with wide, unbelieving eyes at Harry Potter. The boy just chuckled, picked up the Hat and sat it back on the chair.

"I'm not a bastard" he answered still chuckling. "My parents were married."

"Yes, this time around."

"Well, but they were and that's all that counts" Harry answered the grumbling Hat, smiled and went to the Slytherin-table.

sSsSs

The Hat on the shelf shuddered again.

No, another seven years with Salazar Slytherin – even if he called himself now 'Harry Potter' – was nothing the Sorting Hat wanted to endure. It was sure that soon Christmas decoration would find its way to Gryffindor tower and every other part of the castle Salazar would like to change. And it really did not want to know what Salazar was planning with his knowledge about ballet. No – _it_ needed a vacation. Should the teachers deal with the sly prankster that Salazar Slytherin was by nature!

**sSs**

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**sSs**

_So, that's it. It's kind of a different reincarnation-fic sorting. I hope you like it._

_And yes, I know Harry Potter is AU! He __**is**__ Salazar Slytherin reborn after all. And Salazar in Gryffindor – well, that would not go well..._


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